


Day Trips

by Infernoism



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cars, Crack, Implied Relationships, M/M, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 13:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13859103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infernoism/pseuds/Infernoism
Summary: This is pure crack, I have literally no idea WHY I wrote it. Car journeys, that's why.Dwalin is a menace when he's bored.





	Day Trips

The Rock.

"Hey, Dwalin! Where's the rock?" Bilbo inquired, glancing across the car, taking his eyes off the road for just a moment.

"The Rock?" Dwalin questioned, confused.

Bilbo nodded, "Yeah, you know, the rock."

"What rock?"

"THE rock. What else can I say. The Rock, where did you put it?" Bilbo said, starting to get frustrated.

Dwalin considered as Bilbo overtook an obnoxious green car on the motorway. "Bilbo. I don't know what bloody rock you're on about. Speak, boy." Dwalin ordered.

"DWAYNE BLOODY JOHNSON! AND DON'T SWEAR!" Bilbo shouted. From his seat in the back, Thorin winced. Once Bilbo was on the road, he turned from sweet little Hobbit to furious warthog.

"WHAT, WAS THAT DWAYNE JOHNSON WE JUST PASSED?!"

Dwalin never really did understand sarcasm.

"Aarg!" Bilbo growled. He was reaching the end of his rope. "No, Dwalin. You remember, right? I bought rock for the kids. You packed it, didn't you?!".

"OH. You mean ROCK!" Dwalin exclaimed, he really was too excitable.

"So you remember now." The angry Hobbit ground his teeth.

"Of course I do, now that you're being clear!"

The Dwarf suddenly raised his left arm to his mouth. He proceeded to emmulate the process of shaking a salt shaker into his mouth. Or rather, sucking dick.

Bilbo stared at him, gaping. Luckily, they had stopped at a red light. He blushed and glanced at Thorin out of the corner of his eye.

Face resembeling a beetroot, the Hobbit screeched.

"DWALIN! WHAT ON MIDDLE-EARTH ARE YOU DOING?!"

He turned around to make sure the kids, Fili and Kili, hadn't seen Dwalin's gesture. The Dwarven warrior scrunched his eyebrows, appearing confused, "Whatever do you mean? That's what you do with rock isn't it?"

"Most certainly not!" Bilbo exclaimed, a faint pink still dusting his cheeks. He turned back to the road, getting ready to go.

"Hmm." Dwalin hummed and turned his head to watch the scenery go past as Bilbo went through the green light. Unseen to the Hobbit, Dwalin smirked and said loud enough so only Bilbo could hear,

"I bet you've had a lot of experience with that one."

"DWALIN!"


End file.
